Brett Favre retires from preseason football

Today it is Favreapolooza in the Twin Cities. Up and down the radio dial it is all Favre all the time. Well duh. This is how the wily veteran PR maestro rolls. He is still in his prime so don't fall for his patented head fake. Keep your feet moving, your head up and your eyes on his belly as you consider the following indicators of a Favre return:

1. Everyone who could possibly have wanted a 4 jersey owned one by the end of last season.
2. When Favre announces he is retiring and all of the Green Bay rubes who burned their 4 jerseys in disgust last season will rush to stores and websites to replace their jerseys-- this time a green one AND a white one because they never should have doubted their hero.
3. Meanwhile 50% of Viking fans will burn their 4 jerseys in disgust. Then in 3 or Favre weeks he'll come back and the Viking rubes will have to repurchase their burned jerseys-- this time a purple one AND a white one because they never should have doubted their hero.
4. Favre IS the essence of 4. He has played for four NFL teams. This would only be his third retirement-- first as a Packer; second as a Jet; third as a Viking. He needs one more retirement to make it an even Favre. And this time when 4 comes back he will skip all four preseason games.